Riding the Delivery Truck to Hell

Fernando's distributor is, for the most part, fairly competent. Once in a while it provides him with irksome snafus, but overall Fernando is pleased with his video source choice. Fernando's distributor's parcel delivery service, however, leaves much to be desired.

See, Fernando's distributor has a reciprocal deal with said parcel service in that the former gets reduced shipment rates on their orders while the latter is the exclusive means of delivery. This is great for the both of them, but it occasionally leaves Fernando hanging not unlike a kitten dangling so cutely and helplessly from a tree branch. Because said parcel service has, put mildly, a great potential for ineptitude in delivering that which Fernando most needs (namely, his weekly releases) in a timely manner, it is inevitable that Fernando will not actually receive his weekly releases in said timely manner on occasion. And when Fernando lacks weekly releases to be rented by his loyal customers, it becomes more difficult for him to accomplish such minuscule tasks as paying for electricity and water, making payments on his debt, and having what passes for spending money so he can buy himself nice things once in a blue moon.

Fortunately, there exist tracking codes that tell Fernando exactly how delayed his movies are so he can damage control as much as possible at the Dominion when the hammer inevitably drops. Sometimes they linger in Illinois or South Carolina or New Jersey (why they would choose to linger there is another mystery), or are en route and will be delivered between 3 and 5 PM, which is marvelous as tardiness is far preferable to outright absence. Today, however, Fernando's movies decided to languish in the closest largeish settlement to Fernando, a scant twenty-three miles to the east. Estimated delivery date? Wednesday.

Fernando does not know whether he should be selfish and feel morose over his own slightly depressed income or sad for his customers because they are forced to wait a day to enjoy such theatrical marvels as The Karate Kid or Human Centipede.