Sunday, December 12, 2010

Facial Recognition Software

Fernando is...well, put bluntly, he's pretty bad about remembering and sometimes distinguishing people. He's atrocious with names and not much better with faces. He once opined to one of his friends that he thinks Ashton Kutcher resembles John Krasinski, and was ridiculed endlessly for it.

One December afternoon (though it could very well be called “evening” because the sun goes down at about 3.30 PM) at around 4.30 a regular customer enters the store and browses about a bit. She asks Fernando for the location of The Nativity Story because it's about that time of year, and Fernando guides her to it. She picks out a couple of other movies and it's time for checkout.

You've got a free rental coming, if you wanted to use it,” Fernando informs her as he fills out the slip.

She is away reading the upcoming releases posting and says, “Oh, that's nice. I didn't know my card was already filled. I remember you just starting me a new one last time I was in.”

Fernando shrugs noncommittally. “Well, that's because your old one got filled up. It comes to $7 all together.”

She digs about in her purse for money while Fernando retrieves the movies. When he returns to the counter, her face takes on a quizzical look. “Are you sure I've got a free rental? Because I don't think I could have filled another card so quickly.”

Positive,” Fernando says with supreme confidence. He digs through the full cards pile and retrieves one bearing the name Tristana P., and sets it on the counter.

How do you know it's mine?” the woman asks. She does not look at the card immediately, for she is filling out a slip for Fernando's weekly drawing.

Well, your name's at the bottom. See?” Fernando points and she glances at the card after dropping the slip of paper in the bucket.

A pregnant silence ensues. Finally: “That's not me.”

W-what? You were just in here a couple days ago and....” Fernando trails off.

I'm Cassiopeia K.” She points to the bottom of the rental slip, at her signature, which is clearly not Tristana P.

Whoops. “Oh. Oh God. That...wow. I'm sorry. You look just like Tristana. Um, with your hair done like that.”

Really? I saw her today. I don't think I do.”

Um,” says Fernando, at this point trying to salvage whatever shreds are left of his dignity, “did you want me to start you off with a new card, then?”

Please,” she says, smiling in mirth. Fernando does so and she departs after asking him to hold a couple of movies for her for the next day.

Fernando's software must be Adobe.

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