People “purchase” (read: rent and never return) Fernando's movies over the course of the year for any variety of reasons, and they often choose items that fail to measure up to a somewhat reasonable standard of quality. Fernando only hopes vamoosing with these beauties is worth it when the souls of those thieves are judged in the afterlife. Without further ado, here's the complete list:
Dance Flick: It's a ______ Movie, but not even an authentic Zucker and Abrams crapfest. Fernando can only point to this as an example of why one should watch a movie before stealing it.
Saw VI: It's like Saw or Saw II or Saw Anything! It's got to be good! Sequelitis is a filthy lie spread by people who hate milking franchises for all they're worth!
Astroboy: Hmmm...this or Princess and the Frog or Planet 51? Astroboy is perpetually in, so it must be better than both of them combined!
GI Joe: Rise of Cobra: Damn but 80s nostalgia must have been strong that day.
Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakuel: Not only does it feature the most annoying cartoon creatures in the history of animation, but the title proudly sports a tooth-gnashingly bad portmanteau. It's almost as if the thief did me a favor.
Serious Moonlight: If you want a dark movie about the horrible facts of love, don't halfass it and take Broken Flowers instead.
Bloodrayne: Oh, hindsight. I guess I SHOULD have picked up that copy the guy once tried to sell me. Dreadful.
Up: Ok, this one doesn't deserve to be on this list at all. It's a good movie. But still stolen. Sorry you have to have such rotten companions, Up.
A Serious Man: I mean, it's Coen Brothers, but who's ever heard of it? Fernando loves the Bros, but hasn't seen this one. Some year he'll get around to it....but he has been saying the same thing about the Harry Potter movies since 2005.
So that's that. 2010. One hell of a year. Fernando will see everybody in 2011!
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