Sunday, March 13, 2011

Jackassitude

One Saturday the phone starts to ring about an hour before opening as Fernando is sorting his returns. Normally Fernando ignores phone calls, especially those that read CELLULAR NUMBER, that long before he's officially “on the clock,” as it were, but on this day he feels subconsciously extraordinary and picks up.

Hello, Dominion of Movies.”

Yeah, I was wondering if you had Jackass 3 in.”

Um...I don't have any copies in at the moment, but if you wanted to give me your name and number I can give you a call as soon as I get one in.”

Uh. Ok. It's Sammy Salami, and 101-0110.” Fernando jots this information down in his Notebook of Infinite Might and Justice and reiterates to the young man that he will contact him once someone returns one of Fernando's copies of that godawful movie.

They exchange good-byes and Fernando resumes his lonely vigil in the empty store, keeping entertained by reading Fark and consuming coffee.

A little more than one hour later, at around quarter after twelve, about fifteen minutes after opening....

-Ring ring ring-

Hello, Dominion of Movies?”

Yeah, have you gotten back Jackass 3 yet?” It is the same man as earlier.

Er...no, no I haven't.”

Well, do you know when you'll have them back by?”

Not really. I've only been open for about fifteen minutes and have only gotten back maybe a quarter of the movies that were rented yesterday. All my copies are due back today, though, so odds are pretty decent that I'll have one in at some point in the nearish future.”

Oh, ok. You're still giving me a call when you get them in?”

Absolutely.” And the young man hangs up, and Fernando resumes his wait.

DUN DUN DUNNN

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