Call of Duty

Fernando is at the store, preparing for a Friday opening by rearranging the week's top ten rentals when the phone rings. It's not out of the ordinary for people to call the store before opening time. Some of the time it's the distributor calling Fernando to usually give him bad news about how the next week's releases will be a day or two late and if that “would be a problem”; some of the time it's people who misremember the fact that Fernando opens at 12 PM on Saturday and Sunday and 2 PM otherwise; and some of the time it's telemarketers come out to play so Fernando can try out new characters.

Today it was a semi-regular customer, so technically Option 2. “Hi. I'm just calling to let you know I'll be out of town for the next few days and I have one of your movies. I was wondering what kind of late fees I'll be looking at.”

Peculiar. Customers usually don't keep Fernando in the loop of why his property is (sometimes ridiculously) tardy. “Um...well, since you called it'd be an extra $1.50 per day, instead of the usual rate. But, I mean, you could probably swing by the store before you go to save yourself the hassle.”

“Oh. Um, yeah. I'm already out of town, though. So I can't really do that.”

“Ok. Well, maybe you could have one of your friends bring it in?”

“I don't really know anybody around here.”

Now Fernando is a trifle perplexed, because this young man is dating a girl whose brother is in the store probably every other day, and unless there's some really bad blood between the two siblings, it shouldn't be at all an issue to have the brother return it. At most, it'd be one, two days late.

Fernando was just about to point this out to the young man when he continued, “What if I had it mailed it to you?”

Fernando's jaw drops. “W-well I guess if you wanted to do that that would be an option. I'd have to charge you until I received it, of course. The address is on the labels on the case and disc, if you want to go that route, but--”

“Ok, I'll go ahead and do that. Just wanted to let you know why it'll be a few days late and that I'm not trying to run off with it.”

This impossibly positive customer interaction has now officially boggled Fernando's mind. “Um, that works for me then. Thank you very much for calling to let me know.”

“No problem. Talk to you later.” Click.

...

…

...

Wow.

UPDATE: The movie arrived via priority mail the following Monday.