Class Act

An unfamiliar man enters the Dominion one overcast Saturday afternoon in mid-November. "Yeah, I was wondering if you had a movie I've been wanting to watch, The Hills Have Eyes."

Fernando nods and rises from his chair. "Absolutely I do. Let me go and get that for you." So Fernando hunts down the tag and brings it up to the counter to begin filling out the rental slip. "Can I get your name?"

"Newguy McHunterton."

Fernando pauses in his filling out of the rental slip. "Do you have an account here?"

"Uh, no. I'm only up here for about a week every year."

Fernando shrugs. "That's no problem. I've got a paper clipped bundle about yea thick of hunters who come up here this time of year." He holds his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart.

"I'd just like it for one night."

Fernando, meanwhile, has retrieved a membership application. "I just need you to fill this out for me. It's a quick and painless process."

The man looks down suspiciously. "I don't want to be a member. I'm just up here for a week each year. I just want to rent this movie."

"I understand that. But I need for you to fill this out before I'll rent to you."

"Why?"

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, that's just begging for a frank response. But, tempting as it is for Fernando to be impossibly forthright, he instead says, "It's a standard membership application that is store policy, like what you'd need to fill out to rent anything anywhere else. Name, address, phone number, driver's license or credit card number."

"You want my driver's license number?" At this point, the man's eyebrows knit in the way that happens when people who usually get their way...don't.

"Or credit card information, that's correct."

"Fuck you. Keep your fucking movie." And the man shoves the rental tag and membership application-card-thing to the floor from the glass countertop. "Asking me for my driver's license, un-fucking-believable...." he mutters as he storms out.

Fernando now wishes he'd given the forthright response, which is, "I've never seen you before, you don't live around here, and I'd like some information that helps ensure that my property will be returned."