It Keeps on Giving

A lady comes in and sprawls over Fernando's countertop one evening. She has not been to the store in at least three years. Fernando recognizes her face but in no way recalls her name. “Hey, do you guys have a thing where I can buy a card to swipe or something?”

Fernando takes a shot in the dark as to what the woman was alluding. “You mean a gift certificate?”

“No, a thing where I put money on it and somebody can come in and use it to rent stuff.”

“Yeah, a gift certificate.” Fernando leans down and opens his drawer, where he keeps the blank certificates he has crafted. He shows them to her.

“I don't want one of those. I want a thing where I can tell him that he can come down and rent so many movies, like eight or ten or something.”

“It's certainly possible to arrange that the certificate is for a set number of rentals rather than a dollar amount. It's all the same to me.”

“But I want the thing so that he can have it.”

“That can also be arranged. He (whoever “he” is....) can just bring it in with him when he comes in.”

“How much would ten bucks be good for?”

Ten dollars in rentals, thinks Fernando to himself, but the words he says are, “That would depend on if he's renting new releases or older ones. The new ones are three-fifty a night, the older two dollars.”

“How's he supposed to keep track of that?” she asks, dread of mathematics lacing her voice.

“He wouldn't need to. I can take care of all that.”

“Okay. Make it ten bucks then.”

Fernando fills out the gift certificate to the proper amount and takes the woman's money. “Did you want an envelope with that?” he asks.

“No. I ain't paying for one.”

“...The envelope is a free courtesy.”

“Oh. Then yeah, whatever. Gimme one to stick it in it.”

Merry Christmas!