Finger Play

The lady who rented Season of the Witch a while back returns to the store. Perhaps she is a masochist on the level of Fernando, who knows? She carries with her a full stamp card retrieved from who-knows-where, but since Fernando is not aware that anyone is forging stamp cards it must be legit. She selects a movie, FDR: American Badass and brings the tag to the counter. This woman has not learned anything about selecting movies with an iota of quality, because this movie is pretty close to Bloodlust Zombies-level horrible.

It still inexplicably rents. Fernando imagines that beer consumption helps out in that respect.

“Yes, I've got a free rental,” she tells him.

Fernando counts the stamps on the card to ensure all is in order. “Indeed so.” He writes up the rental slip and retrieves the disc. Once he passes it over to the woman, she opens up the case and takes it out. She immediately starts rubbing her fingertips over the disc's underside, leaving smudges of finger-detritus everywhere. As she does this, she addresses Fernando in the haughty manner of which only the irrepressibly self-entitled are capable.

“I want to make sure this isn't scratched or damaged, like the last one. I would prefer that this one plays right.”

“Well, a good way to do the opposite of that is to smear up the underside of the disc with your fingers.” Fernando takes the DVD from her and fetches a cloth and his disc cleaner to undo the damage she has wrought.

“Hmph,” she sniffs as Fernando wipes away the filth.

When he finishes he replaces the disc in its case. “There should be no problems with this one.” He passes the disc and case back over to her.

“We'll see,” she tells Fernando, then leaves.

Since Fernando did not receive a passive-aggressive note with the disc the next day, he assumes that his prediction carried through.