Men Be Acting All Like Zombies

Once upon a time, late in September, Fernando browsed his sales catalog for the following month. That month being October, Fernando had his eye open for horror-type films so as to feed off the general creepy vibe radiating from Halloween like lines of electromagnetic force from the poles of a magnet. A surprising dearth of horror was to be had (perhaps because the studios didn't want to compete with their theatrical releases at the time I'm looking at you Paranormal Activity 3), but Fernando picked up some direct-to-video, low-budget things that he figured might appeal. One of those titles, given minimal description in his spreadsheet of releases, was Bloodlust Zombies.
Sturgeon's Law is in effect for movies in general, but it seems rather difficult to make an outright horrible zombie flick. At worst it becomes potential get-drunk-and-watch, so-horrible-it's-awesome fodder. The thing was dirt cheap, and he didn't have much else to choose from (when your stiffest competition is Wrong Turn 4 there's not much to be said), so Fernando put in an order for one copy. When the movie arrived one fateful day in October, Fernando read the case's back, groaned, and rolled his eyes. Then he threw it up on the new release rack, sat back, and waited.

Later that day, one of Fernando's regulars, a guy just a tad older than him, comes in to browse the new releases. He sees the movie, reads the case. “Hey, is that the same Alexis Texas that does porn?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think it is. This is her attempt at breaking into mainstream filmography, I guess.” That fact alone sinks any potentiality of a movie's quality. The majority of individuals who do porn have approximately the same level of acting skill as Fernando. Probably less, since Fernando at least has something vaguely resembling motivations and characterization for relevant NPC's in D&Dland beyond “Here's a bobbing penis. Do things to it.”
“Is it porn?”
“My distributor doesn't do porn. It claims to be a zombie flick.”
“I like zombie movies. I'll give it a shot.”

He rents it and returns the next day to pick out more movies. “This thing is worse than the movies they have on late-night Cinemax.”

“Do you mean that in a directorial sense or in a content sense?”
“Little bit of both. Let's put it this way. When there's more softcore sex than zombies in your zombie movie, you have a problem. I could probably direct a better one.”
“Shit, I'm sorry. I honestly thought it would be at least bearable. It seemed impossible to fuck up a zombie movie.”
“What you should do is tell people who ask that it's shit, and that'll get them to rent it.”
This idea struck Fernando as clarion-clear, and so it was implemented. People would come in and say, “What's a good horror movie?” Fernando would respond, “There actually aren't that many good ones that came out recently, but let me tell you about Bloodlust Zombies....”

Fernando's made back over double what he paid for that damn thing so far.