Actually Late

Django Unchained is a fairly popular movie. Everyone wants to see it, and it behooved Fernando to make this film available. To this end, he procured many copies of the film. On the day it was released, all of them went out within half an hour of opening time.

The unfortunate latecomers were filled with sorrow that they could not have the item they so greatly desired, but Fernando informed them of a service he would provide. Indeed, he would make the film available to them on the following day! He would call them when one arrived and they could come and pick it up without worrying that a poacher would snipe it before they could visit the store and pick it up themselves!

There was but one tiny detail which Fernando discounted in crafting this masterful plan. It required the competence and cooperation of his customer base. Instead of all, or even most, of Fernando's copies of Django Unchained finding their way back to the store, none of them did.

At four the Keeper was yet unworried. The workday had not yet ended, and many people routinely returned their movies between the hours of four and six. Fernando waited and took the concerned telephone calls from the people whom he had promised a rental. No, he doesn't have any in right at this moment. Yes, he is expecting them back. Yes, he will call once one arrives.

By six Fernando had grown perturbed. Had more than zero copies of the film found their way home, he would have had lower stress levels, but the prospect of having to deal with multiple ornery customers who had been denied their film—legitimately ornery customers, as Fernando had given his word and staked the reputation of his Dominion in this matter—filled him with dread.

When seven rolled around and still no copies of the movie had been returned, Fernando walked up to his late fee list and began jotting down names. Normally he waits until closing time to do such menial bookkeeping, but he needed a way to vent his frustrations, and what way is better than to scrawl words upon paper in jagged script? Mixed blessing: the phone calls stopped coming at around 6.30 PM. Rather than having to be Cool Customer Service Guy, Fernando can just wallow in the guilt brought on by a number of customers whose wants had remained unsatisfied being forever linked to Fernando's business.

At 7.57, three minutes before closing time, a vehicle pulls up. A man steps out. He had been to the store yesterday and rented Django Unchained. He enters the store.

“I'm not late, am I?”

“You are, actually.” Fernando's voice is curt.

“I got it back before you closed.”

“Movies have to be back by seven.”

The man squints at Fernando and considers arguing with him. He then reasons through the consequences of going into it with Fernando given the glower upon his face and changes his mind. “I'll catch you later.”

“Indeed.”

The number of people who wanted Django Unchained the following day once Fernando called bearing the good news and apoligies? Zero. They'd all gotten copies somewhere else.