Rrrrrrragequit

Fernando's #1 Fan had been absent for roughly a month, which suited him just fine. He had a business to run and could do with fewer distractions eating up a great deal of his time.

So she stopped showing up for a while, and life was good.

Then one evening, out of the blue, she reappears at the store as Fernando is in a conversation with Ronaldo, one of his D&D players. He finds out from Ronaldo later that she slumped upon the floor out of Fernando's sight in a dejected heap. Soon Ronaldo departs, and she bounds up to the counter and proceeds to give Fernando a quick run-down of the things going on in her life.

Some of these topics are of an illegal nature, and to complicate matters further other customers are browsing the store while she relates this gossip. This makes things a mite awkward for Fernando. Then, compounding this awkwardness, she proceeds to invite Fernando to a bonfire she is hosting the upcoming week; when Fernando politely declines and is about to suggest that she leave, she comments that he would look much cuter without glasses. She waltzes out before Fernando can say anything in response.

Fernando decides later that evening (roughly a minute or two after her departure) that this shit needs to stop.

The following day, she returns to the store and immediately begins talking to Fernando about sushi. As the store is completely empty at this point, he cuts her off so he can say what needs to be said with minimal embarrassment to her.

“I think we need to have a discussion about the sort of relationship that ought to exist between the two of us.”

“Um...ok?”

“Point one: The stuff you were telling me about getting high and drunk with your friends last weekend? I don't need to know that. I especially don't need to hear that when there are other people in the store. I have a business reputation to uphold and I don't need people overhearing things like that. That's how rumors get started, and I won't tolerate my reputation being tarnished by them.”

“I'm sorry. I guess I need to have some more restraint, I guess....” she says, looking pouty and apologetic. Fernando does not let this sway him.

“Second: You seem to have the idea that there exists a non-business relationship between us. That isn't the case. That cannot and will not be the case. I'm like a decade older than you, we have zero life-interests in common, and I, again, have a business to maintain. Based on the comments about being hotter without glasses you made to me yesterday, it seems like you have some weird crush on me for some reason. That won't work out because, like I said, I'm a decade older than you and we have nothing really in common aside from the fact that I own a video store and you sometimes rent and watch movies.”

“Well, you know what?” she yells in a sudden fit of anger, “I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not even into you! Deuces!” And she flips Fernando off British-style, storms out of the store, gets into her car, and tears out of the parking lot at about forty miles an hour.

Job well done.

Popularity Resolution

Over the course of the next week following previous encounters, Fernando's #1 Fan came to visit every single day. At first it was an entertaining distraction from the usual grind, but before long things evolved from “entertaining” to “irksome” before reaching “annoying.” She would come by nearer to closing time when business was but a slow trickle. Then she would come by about ten minutes before closing time and linger about the store, resisting Fernando's increasingly obvious hints that she leave so he can accomplish the shit that needs accomplishing in his life aside from running the store. On the occasions when his vexation reached critical mass and he all but bodily ushered her out the door she begged Fernando to relent. Overall, bothersome.

One evening Carlos, one of Fernando's good friends, swung by the store not long after closing to “shoot the breeze,” and it was at a time that #1 Fan was loitering. She skedaddled from the scene when Carlos pulled up and as Fernando unbarred the door to allow him entry Carlos asked, “Who was that?”

So Fernando related the tale of how her presence had come to be a nigh-permanent fixture at the Dominion, all because Fernando had been charismatic and personable to her on one innocuous occasion. Carlos took this all in and finally said, “You need to just put your foot down.”

“I've been trying to do that. She seems to think that we are best friends just because I said some nice things to her one day.”

“That's because she's a high school girl. Do you want me to talk to her?”

“No, I've got to settle this problem for myself. Else it looks like I'm too cowardly to tackle my problems head-on.”

“Alright, man. If you need a wingman or anything, just let me know.”

But #1 Fan did not return to the store the next day, nor the day after, and not for a great long while. Fernando later finds out through the grapevine that Carlos encountered her at a local grocery store one day and made oblique hints that Fernando is a nice guy to everybody because part of his job is being a nice guy (provided the person in question is deserving of such treatment, of course). That seemed to snap her back to reality.

Seemed to snap her back to reality....

Charge It

One afternoon Fernando has just opened for business and is restocking his sodey pop fridge with Cherry Coke and Mountain Dew when the young woman who visited the day before enters. “Oh, it's you!” she says.

“Er,” responds Fernando, “it's never anybody else. Sorta run the place by myself.” He rises to his feet and assumes his customary place behind the counter, carrying the leftover bottles with him. “What can I do for you today?”

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to know if you had in You Again.” Sort of paradoxial statements when taken together, but who can claim to fully understand the thought processes of another human being?

Fernando nods. “Yep. Just got back a copy that was rented yesterday.”

She digs through her female plastic money-clam-wallet-thing. “Oh no. I only have five bucks, and I still need to get gas.”

Fernando shrugs. “If you really wanted, you could charge it.”

“REALLY?” she gasps as if the concept of charging things had never dawned to her before. “You'd let me do that?”

Fernando shrugs again. “Well, yeah. I let people charge pretty regularly so long as they don't already owe me money. It's no big deal. You can just stick the money in the case or whatever when you return it tomorrow.”

“Wow, thanks!” She beams as Fernando fills out the rental slip, writes CHARGED in big letters near the top, and retrieves the movie.

“Er. I do need you to sign at the bottom,” he says when she about skips out without aforementioned signature. After she scribbles something hastily upon the line, she does skip out of the store.

It is said that acts of kindness never go unpunished. This statement, Fernando concedes, is correct.

Innocuous

One sunny Monday afternoon Fernando is milling about online when a high schooler enters the store. This high schooler had visited irregularly at times in the past, always in the company of its peers.

Ignorant of the consequences that would follow from engaging her in harmless conversation, Fernando says, “Hello,” when she passes the counter.

She immediately slumps upon the countertop and buries her head in her folded arms. “I'm really bored.”

“That's good news for me,” says Fernando, “considering I'm in the home entertainment business. You looking for something in particular?”

She giggles even though Fernando had said nothing particularly humorous. “I don't know.” Then, out of nowhere: “I wish I had a beard. That would be cool.”

Fernando scratches the side of his face, upon a portion of his own Obligatory Nerd Beard. “Erm. They're actually sort of annoying to properly maintain. But with the hormone therapies available today I'm sure if you really, really wanted one badly enough you could attain your goal.”

She giggles again. Poor, ignorant Fernando. “How much for a pop?” she asks.

“Dollar-fifty after deposit.”

“Oh. Okay.” She fishes out one-fifty in change and dumps it on the counter, then retrieves a Mountain Dew from Fernando's sodey pop fridge. “See you later!” she chirps.

“Adieu,” responds Fernando before turning back to his internet.

So it began.