Attack of the Gays

Ronaldo is at the store one afternoon. He and Fernando discuss menu options at an upcoming gala which will be held at the Dominion when a middle-aged woman enters. Ronaldo retreats to the back room to allow Fernando to ply his trade without interruption. The lady browses Fernando's sales rack and purchases a movie. As Fernando prepares it for her, she peruses the Adopt-a-Movie Box. “What's this?” she asks.

“That is my Adopt-a-Movie Box,” Fernando says. “Those are four bucks apiece or, if you have at least eight dollars in purchases already, then they're only two apiece.”

“What do you have in here?”

“Little bit of everything. There's only so much floor space available for inventory so I need to keep a conveyor of movie turnover going.”

The lady pulls out a case and reads the back of it. “Oh, I like him a lot,” she says. “This would be two dollars?”

“Absolutely.” The film in question is Colin Firth's A Single Man.

She flips the case over to the front, then rereads the back. “I'll take it.” Fernando has a merry search trying to find where that movie is hiding since it was not where it ought to have been. But it could not hide forever and so Fernando was able to clear up a tiny bit more inventory space.

After she pays, but before she goes, she asks Fernando, “Have you seen it?”

“Can't say that I have,” Fernando answers. “It got pretty good reviews from critics though, as I recall.”

“Oh, I wanted to be sure this isn't the one where he's....” She trails off and lowers her voice as if she is about to impart a great and dark secret to Fernando. “Gay.”

“Um, that I couldn't tell you off the top of my head,” Fernando truthfully answers.

“Okay, but I'm letting you know that if this is that one I'll be returning it.” Then she leaves.

Note to self: Do not ever try to put a sell on her for Milk.

Alternate ending: Fernando supposes that if he's allowed to disdain certain movies for the reasons he find them disdainful, others can't be faulted for not wanting to see Colin Firth getting hot and sweaty with some other guy.

P.P.S.: Never mention Game of Thrones to her either.

UPDATE: Three days after the movie was sold, Fernando finds the case nestled in his drop box when he comes into the store. Inside is the disc and a note reading, “You can have this back. He's gay in it.”