Fernando's Adventure, Part II

Departure was a little after 6:30 AM local time. Ronaldo and Fernando stopped at the gas station next door to the Dominion to procure caffeinated sustenance for part of the journey, and they gambled by partaking of the cappuccino machine. As is well known, gas station cappuccino is either delicious or a pale, watery mess of froth and blandness. The Travel Gods had mercy on this day, for the French vanilla-flavored sugary treat was of near-optimal quality.

And they were off! They passed through Zail-Kanzin and went beyond, to places far out of Fernando's usual reach, for he is chained to the Dominion and this greatly limits the number of fun things he can do in life. Mother Nature provided them with just the right amount of obstruction; if the trip were too easy, it would not be worthwhile and no tales could be spun regarding it. If the weather proved disruptive to travel, well, that would put a right splendid kibosh on everything, wouldn't it? A balance was struck, so the pair traveled in a dingy drizzle for most of the day.

Time passed and the pair pulled off for breakfast just south of the great metropolis of Verdant Cove. It was a little after 8 by now, and it was agreed that Hardee's breakfast would hit the spot just fine. Sausage and egg biscuit sandwiches were had, as was more coffee which, sadly, tasted like and reacted as molten garbage once it entered Fernando's digestive tract. It so offended Fernando's refined coffee palate that he disposed of his cup in its entirety after a paltry two sips. Those two sips lingered within Fernando's bowels, though, and they inflicted much torment upon our hero over the course of the next half-day.

Their next stop was in Redstone, at a gas station which carried a fine assortment of knick-knacks and bumper stickers with such endearing and insightful turns of phrase as “RECESSION: When you lose your job. DEPRESSION: When your friends lose their job. RECOVERY: When Obama loses his job.” Not wanting to risk another bad coffee experience, Fernando instead opted for the 99% safe option of Gas Station Hot Chocolate, one of humanity's greatest achievements. Not long afterwards, Fernando was able to take in a curious art exhibit which had been erected in a field just off the road. A porcelain toilet rested on the ground. Affixed to it was a sign reading “RECALL PETITIONS GO HERE.” A number of cows stood in the field as well, minding their own business.

Wonderful.

Next, Fernando and Ronaldo found themselves embroiled in a turf war. You see, two great Houses, Perkins and Culvers, vied for dominance over a swatch of land. Everything to the north and east contained an abundance of Perkinses, whereas the Culvers controlled the lands to the south and west. The one was absent where the other stood, until the travelers came upon the massive city of Muskrat Blessing, a place which had a boundless number of exits which led to assorted districts within the booming city. It was in this war-torn place that Perkins and Culvers fought their battles, as blue placards had been erected which bore the crests of both organizations. Fernando and Ronaldo hurried through, as they did not want to be sucked into a conflict in which they had no stake.

Then, lo! They came upon Monitor, the city which was their destination! Ronaldo weaved through the traffic, taking the secret pathways as had been described to them by their guide, the venerable Google. Another source of guidance, a bodiless woman-spirit named Gertrude Pauline Samson, was ignored, and with good reason, for she was wrong. On the last day of the adventure, our heroes would turn to her assistance in uncovering the Misty Mountain, and her nurtured spite would strike back in full force, but this part of the tale lies yet ahead.

What did Ronaldo and Fernando discuss during the hours-long drive? Many things under the sun: Chinese food, their D&D campaign, the tittering excitement at basking in the presence of Mr. Kovalic, people who drive slower than most traffic on the two-lane but who inexplicably speed up enough so as to be rendered unable to be passed come a four-lane stretch, the insane abundance of exits for Muskrat Blessing, the aforementioned turf war between the two factions. The Culvers at one point made a fine attempt at gaining chelonian sympathies, for one of their fortresses proudly displayed “TURTLE” outside, and our heroes made merry at this opaque statement. Did they possess the sole example of all turtles in the immediate area? Was this meant to mock the Perkins, from whom the reptile in question had been wrested? These mysteries remained unanswered to Fernando and Ronaldo, for they did not wish to pry into affairs which did not impact them.

With Google's help, the pair arrived at their place of lodging and the location of the convention. Room check-in proceeded smoothly, but it soon became evident that troubles were afoot, but the coming setbacks could not undo the forthcoming splendors which caressed them at every turn.